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my journey into self control: not always a weighty issue

May 1, 2009

What happens when this  goofy christian decides to broadcast to the world my intentional dependence on God for my issues with self control related to food? Why of course this silly girl is shown other areas in my life that are in desperate need of control.

Actually, let me rephrase that.  There are areas in my life that I desperately need to give up control and give them to God. I have become lackadaisical with praying with and for my children.  The fruit weed of this has been anger.  Recently I have found that I have neglected shepherding my kiddos in becoming little INDIVIDUALS who are creative, God fearing/loving, children of God.  What I have been doing in my own wisdom is trying to cookie cutter them into what I want and what is convenient for me.  When they stray from my ideal anger sneaks in.  I had thought that this area was on my checked off list .. oh silly me!

Funny enough I wasn’t even aware of what was truly going on in our relationships until yesterday afternoon.  We were looking for Malachy’s baseball cap before t-ball practice.  He had, of course, not put it away.  As I was yelling at him (yeah I know bad mum moment) and saw the tears well up in his eyes, God was so faithful to open up my eyes to what I was doing.  I wasn’t molding him to be a God fearing young man, I was molding him to be a fearful man.  How humbling it was to have to go and apologize to my 6 year old.   Thankfully he is a sweet little man and hugged me and told me that he forgave me.   Looks like I have to reread my post on “sinners in the hands of an angry mom”.

How thankful am I that my salvation and thankfully my children’s salvation is NOT based on my actions or inaction.  It is based on the saving grace of the crucifiction of Jesus.  He is so faithful when I lack faith.  He doesn’t walk away with disgust when I fall down time and time again.  He is always there to pick me up, drag me forward or push me in the right direction as the case may be.  With His grace I remain full of hope in this life for myself, Ronan, and my kids.  Praise His Holy name!

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. May 4, 2009 10:15 am

    Ha! Just when we think we can “check something off our list” it resurfaces! I KNOW! And isn’t it true that God loves to show us our inconsistent tendancies and sin through our kids (who are truly our BLESSINGS!)? Oh Boy, do I know!
    Therre IS something very humbling to have to apologize/confess to our kids, but there is also healing in that and as they hear Mom confess imperfection and her need for forgiveness and God’s mercy, I do believe kids are blessed and even relieved that they are not the only ones who struggle with sin!
    There is blessing in forgiveness and extending grace and mercy that our children need to “get” to experience too! And aren’t we Moms just the ones to give them opportunities!?

    PS I like the fresh look of your blog!

    • May 7, 2009 11:05 am

      Thank you for the encouragement Laurie. Those moments can either lead me to question myself as a mum and do nothing about it, or I can look toward the lesson to be had. It is a struggle but I am on a journey towards leaning on God for all things (especially in how I parent my wee ones!)

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